With this comment I won't be able to exhaust everything I wanted to say, lately I've been building great speeches and then the words seem to get stuck and not want to come out anymore, and if they do come out, they're disconnected.
Borrowed happiness. What a great concept, what a great feeling. I work pretty much like this too, as you managed to describe. I have countless episodes in which I have experienced this happiness, small attentions, those times in which I stopped to listen, to help (and not great things: from picking up a stick to a gentleman in the early morning when the morning routine is not yet started, to the child who doesn't get to get the candy from the bar counter). Which is true is not altruism, probably indeed it could be the most marked expression of selfishness because you know that afterwards you will feel an unjustified joy, without all those logical diatribes. The fact is, that some days it's my only salvation, capable of making me see the good in all the little things when it's often lacking in big things.
I don't think it's a common feeling though. It's empathy. Or sixth sense, perceiving the other who is different from you but who understand in a nano second that with a gesture you could eventually change his life, and perhaps first of all your day. But looking around me, I think it happens more often that someone rejoices in the unhappiness of others, because almost always today it means that an advantage has derived from this at the expense of the other. Maybe it's also something that grows over time or from vicissitudes, a path of sensitivity. I don't know, but I shared every step of this essay.
Now you will already be taken by the next article that I can't wait to read, on limited time and things to do (you know I'm always in a rush), I will. Because it makes me delighted 😉
So much to unpack, Mari. First off, thank you for being here and taking the time to pour out your thoughts. And the idea that my piece made you think all that feels so good and energizing. You nailed it: this is something that may appear selfless, but it's selfish. Unfortunately, our culture attaches a negative connotation to selfishness. Unnecessarily negative, to me, because it's usually associated with doing something to the detriment of others, with sacrificing others' well-being and objectives and achievements on behalf of yours. It doesn't have to be like that. I think we should all pursue our own well-being, so we should all be selfish. It's our own right, as long as this selfishness doesn't do bad to others. In my case (and, as I can see, in yours too) selfishness not only does not harm anyone, but it also immediately derives from the very act of making them happy. Or trying to make them happy. The rest, for me, is noise. It comes and goes (if it comes at all). :)
Oh, and thank you for your kind words on my writing. :)
An idea I’ve been pondering recently is that by healing yourself, you heal others. By soothing our own pain, we help release others from theirs. Because as we find the way, we can shine the light for others. And we are more pure signals of the divine within us, to inspire the same in others.
So perhaps through conversation you heal, and through that healing you only improve our ability to heal.
Thank you for keeping with writing and sharing your gifts :)
Thank you so much, Tommy, for this beautiful reflection. Indeed, it can be viewed from the other side, as you described here. I find this whole borrowed happiness (or induced happiness) concept very powerful. To me, it's like a boomerang that I know exactly when it comes back and where it's going to land. :)
Such a kind, heartwarming piece to read, Silvio. It has filled me with joy and warmness both times I read it. Let me say that even if we haven't met in person, you convey this kindness and genuine interest for the person in front of, and your wishing of happiness definitely comes across.
Also, as mentioned, I think you would enjoy metta or loving kindness meditations, which in the end is formally or systematically wishing specific people be happy, be free from suffering.
Oscar! Such beautiful words! Thank you. The fact that I can convey all that even without meeting in person makes me super glad. I have to say that we’ve known each other for a while now, even though only virtually, and these things start to acquire a certain clarity. I could say tons about you, along the same lines, for example. And all this is really amazing. Thank you again my friend :)
Silvio, this piece brings to mind a couple of concepts.
Mudita, sympathetic joy, is one of the four Brahmaviharas, somewhat akin the Buddhist version of the Stoic cardinal virtues. Mudita arises when metta (loving-kindness, one of the other Brahmaviharas) encounters happiness.
The other word is compersion, which is like an antonym to schadenfreude, and involves this feeling of happiness at another's happiness. The world could certainly use more of that!
I've heard altruism framed as ego 2.0, where one realizes that giving to others really is its own reward. I do like how clear you are about owning this desire for your own happiness. No doubt human flourishing and civilization is largely built upon this generative desire. At least the optimist in me would like to believe so.
Thank you, Tai, for your beautiful reflection and interesting insights. I think you nailed it right here: “I do like how clear you are about owning this desire for your own happiness. No doubt human flourishing and civilization is largely built upon this generative desire. At least the optimist in me would like to believe so.” We talked about this a little in our zoom conversations when I was ranting about Ayn Rand’s objectivism. I think this approach has a lot of that philosophy, in a sense. Not at all on purpose though. Interesting.
Ah I do believe you have tapped into a divine idea my friend. For God does not think or gesture creation into existence; he speaks all things into being. And John's account opens with the famous, mystical idea that the union of God and man is the word becoming flesh. It would seem the things we speak grant both the orator and audience something. In this way are words are like alchemy with multiplicative implications. Nothing is lost yet beauty produced.
Perhaps fantasies are the beginnings of prophecy and revelation; our words the threads that knit them into reality.
Thank you as always for your elegant meditations. Your generosity with your words, stories, insights, and personal desires never cease to have me pondering. My best to you!
Thank you so much, Steven. “Perhaps fantasies are the beginnings of prophecy and revelation; our words the threads that knit them into reality.” -- this is beautiful and evocative. It will give me something to think about for a while! So happy I con contribute to your pondering with my reflections. :)
You're talking about what I imagine is a motivation for many of us who write, the hope that we are going to make someone happy with our words. Sometimes when I finish writing something I get very excited because I sense it stands a chance of causing happiness. And when people report that it does, it feels like my job is done for a few hours. Perhaps creativity is just a divine impulse to cause happiness? And responding to the creative impulse causes happiness in us. It's all sounding like the natural pay-offs that are built into sex and procreation.
Interesting, Rick. I for one don’t write with the idea of making someone happy. But for some reason in my recurring fantasies I can heal people through talking, and that ultimately makes me happy. Maybe I unconsciously write with that in mind, who knows. My idea of happiness though is via a direct interaction with someone or by knowing that someone I care for is happy. It’s not that I’m in a helicopter and sprinkle the world with something that makes everyone happy, if this example makes any sense. But I’d love to be able to think, as you do, that what I write will make someone happy. The only thing I have in mind when I write is to unveil and understand what I’m thinking. :)
This SPOKE to me. Woah.
Glad it did, Y! :) Thank you.
With this comment I won't be able to exhaust everything I wanted to say, lately I've been building great speeches and then the words seem to get stuck and not want to come out anymore, and if they do come out, they're disconnected.
Borrowed happiness. What a great concept, what a great feeling. I work pretty much like this too, as you managed to describe. I have countless episodes in which I have experienced this happiness, small attentions, those times in which I stopped to listen, to help (and not great things: from picking up a stick to a gentleman in the early morning when the morning routine is not yet started, to the child who doesn't get to get the candy from the bar counter). Which is true is not altruism, probably indeed it could be the most marked expression of selfishness because you know that afterwards you will feel an unjustified joy, without all those logical diatribes. The fact is, that some days it's my only salvation, capable of making me see the good in all the little things when it's often lacking in big things.
I don't think it's a common feeling though. It's empathy. Or sixth sense, perceiving the other who is different from you but who understand in a nano second that with a gesture you could eventually change his life, and perhaps first of all your day. But looking around me, I think it happens more often that someone rejoices in the unhappiness of others, because almost always today it means that an advantage has derived from this at the expense of the other. Maybe it's also something that grows over time or from vicissitudes, a path of sensitivity. I don't know, but I shared every step of this essay.
Now you will already be taken by the next article that I can't wait to read, on limited time and things to do (you know I'm always in a rush), I will. Because it makes me delighted 😉
So much to unpack, Mari. First off, thank you for being here and taking the time to pour out your thoughts. And the idea that my piece made you think all that feels so good and energizing. You nailed it: this is something that may appear selfless, but it's selfish. Unfortunately, our culture attaches a negative connotation to selfishness. Unnecessarily negative, to me, because it's usually associated with doing something to the detriment of others, with sacrificing others' well-being and objectives and achievements on behalf of yours. It doesn't have to be like that. I think we should all pursue our own well-being, so we should all be selfish. It's our own right, as long as this selfishness doesn't do bad to others. In my case (and, as I can see, in yours too) selfishness not only does not harm anyone, but it also immediately derives from the very act of making them happy. Or trying to make them happy. The rest, for me, is noise. It comes and goes (if it comes at all). :)
Oh, and thank you for your kind words on my writing. :)
This was beautiful Silvio. Loved every word.
An idea I’ve been pondering recently is that by healing yourself, you heal others. By soothing our own pain, we help release others from theirs. Because as we find the way, we can shine the light for others. And we are more pure signals of the divine within us, to inspire the same in others.
So perhaps through conversation you heal, and through that healing you only improve our ability to heal.
Thank you for keeping with writing and sharing your gifts :)
Thank you so much, Tommy, for this beautiful reflection. Indeed, it can be viewed from the other side, as you described here. I find this whole borrowed happiness (or induced happiness) concept very powerful. To me, it's like a boomerang that I know exactly when it comes back and where it's going to land. :)
Such a kind, heartwarming piece to read, Silvio. It has filled me with joy and warmness both times I read it. Let me say that even if we haven't met in person, you convey this kindness and genuine interest for the person in front of, and your wishing of happiness definitely comes across.
Also, as mentioned, I think you would enjoy metta or loving kindness meditations, which in the end is formally or systematically wishing specific people be happy, be free from suffering.
Thank you for sharing these fantasies!
Oscar! Such beautiful words! Thank you. The fact that I can convey all that even without meeting in person makes me super glad. I have to say that we’ve known each other for a while now, even though only virtually, and these things start to acquire a certain clarity. I could say tons about you, along the same lines, for example. And all this is really amazing. Thank you again my friend :)
Silvio, this piece brings to mind a couple of concepts.
Mudita, sympathetic joy, is one of the four Brahmaviharas, somewhat akin the Buddhist version of the Stoic cardinal virtues. Mudita arises when metta (loving-kindness, one of the other Brahmaviharas) encounters happiness.
The other word is compersion, which is like an antonym to schadenfreude, and involves this feeling of happiness at another's happiness. The world could certainly use more of that!
I've heard altruism framed as ego 2.0, where one realizes that giving to others really is its own reward. I do like how clear you are about owning this desire for your own happiness. No doubt human flourishing and civilization is largely built upon this generative desire. At least the optimist in me would like to believe so.
Thank you, Tai, for your beautiful reflection and interesting insights. I think you nailed it right here: “I do like how clear you are about owning this desire for your own happiness. No doubt human flourishing and civilization is largely built upon this generative desire. At least the optimist in me would like to believe so.” We talked about this a little in our zoom conversations when I was ranting about Ayn Rand’s objectivism. I think this approach has a lot of that philosophy, in a sense. Not at all on purpose though. Interesting.
Ah I do believe you have tapped into a divine idea my friend. For God does not think or gesture creation into existence; he speaks all things into being. And John's account opens with the famous, mystical idea that the union of God and man is the word becoming flesh. It would seem the things we speak grant both the orator and audience something. In this way are words are like alchemy with multiplicative implications. Nothing is lost yet beauty produced.
Perhaps fantasies are the beginnings of prophecy and revelation; our words the threads that knit them into reality.
Thank you as always for your elegant meditations. Your generosity with your words, stories, insights, and personal desires never cease to have me pondering. My best to you!
Thank you so much, Steven. “Perhaps fantasies are the beginnings of prophecy and revelation; our words the threads that knit them into reality.” -- this is beautiful and evocative. It will give me something to think about for a while! So happy I con contribute to your pondering with my reflections. :)
You're talking about what I imagine is a motivation for many of us who write, the hope that we are going to make someone happy with our words. Sometimes when I finish writing something I get very excited because I sense it stands a chance of causing happiness. And when people report that it does, it feels like my job is done for a few hours. Perhaps creativity is just a divine impulse to cause happiness? And responding to the creative impulse causes happiness in us. It's all sounding like the natural pay-offs that are built into sex and procreation.
Interesting, Rick. I for one don’t write with the idea of making someone happy. But for some reason in my recurring fantasies I can heal people through talking, and that ultimately makes me happy. Maybe I unconsciously write with that in mind, who knows. My idea of happiness though is via a direct interaction with someone or by knowing that someone I care for is happy. It’s not that I’m in a helicopter and sprinkle the world with something that makes everyone happy, if this example makes any sense. But I’d love to be able to think, as you do, that what I write will make someone happy. The only thing I have in mind when I write is to unveil and understand what I’m thinking. :)
Ah, truly a lovely testament to the beauty of interconnectedness :)