Oh wow. All true. Unconditional love (in the true sense of the word, in its all-encompassing meaning) is only motherly love. And it can't be an opinion, it's just like that. But perhaps stupidly or perhaps because I'm not particularly knowledgeable, I ask myself: but why? Or why?
And then: why isn't it the same for children towards their parents ? Don't get us wrong, I love my mother immensely, she truly is the most important person to me. But I see it, I feel it, a mother's love is "visceral". So it naturally arises to me that if basically we are potentially capable of feeling such love, why don't we also feel it for "the other" in the broadest sense and in every moment ? Maybe a little out of presumption: I don't think it's a lack of experience. Even those who declare eternal and infinite love, I don't believe it. Utopic . There will always be something conditional. In the end, we love others because they make us feel good, because they trigger something in us (endorphins or who knows what else), because they often let us know aspects of ourselves that we hadn't considered before. And then doesn't this turn in an egocentric sense into self-love ? And then there comes a point in which something changes, something changes us, or perspectives, expectations change, we no longer want what made us feel good, actually maybe sometimes it happens that we want to go through something that makes us "feel bad". Well, falling in love yes, we could define it as unconditional: “we don't see anything” ! We don't even know the other completely, we don't see or don't want to see defects, etc. But it is clear that falling in love does not last forever.
This does not mean that we will all experience a delirious happiness, but not unconditional in the true sense of the term, of total acceptance of others.
And nothing wrong with conditional love which is reciprocity, perhaps the trick is to find a reciprocal balance every time, together. It can be difficult because it involves changing, keeping up with each other and finding a trigger every time, but it is possible. Rare.
Despite everything, even a little sarcastically I can also admit that love generates love (my mother has always tried to inculcate this in me. Maybe she succeeded). An approximation is better than nothing.
Thank you so much, Mari. This is a beautiful reflection, and I'm getting used to receiving those from you! Your contemplation on the nature of love is both insightful and thought-provoking. Indeed, that motherly love is the only true, real form of unconditional love is unquestionable. But your questioning of why this doesn't extend universally to all relationships is interesting. Love is complex and multifaceted. It is influenced by our needs, desires, and what have you. While it's true that we may start relationships with idealized, unconditional feelings, these can evolve as we better understand ourselves and our partners. As you noted, this doesn't diminish the value of conditional love, which can involve reciprocity and growth together. In the end, love's intricate dance between the unconditional and the conditional is a reflection of our human nature, and the pursuit of that reciprocal balance, as you mentioned, remains a worthy endeavor, reminding us that even imperfect love can still generate more love and connection in the world. Grazie!
Silvio! I'm finally catching up on your essays. I love your reflection and before even reading this I also believed that the only truly unconditional love is Motherly love. Perhaps we've been graced by life with Mothers who dedicated themselves to us and felt fulfilled by it. But to me my Mom is the example of unconditional love. It's my superpower. Great reflection. It resonated a lot with me.
Great, great piece, Silvio. The securest love is a mother’s love. How lovely. I’m blessed to receive this love, and I hope one day that I can give it too.
I wonder if unconditional love in a romantic relationship has a smothering affect? The thing that keeps the spark alive is the separation between a couple. And that separation is individuality. When that sense of individuality fades, there’s no distance to close. You’re always close. And maybe that’s when the relationship begins to feel like “give-and-take.”
Thank you so much, Rachael. Yours is an interesting reflection. I agree, a healthy balance between unconditional love and personal individuality is key. It's in those moments of individual growth that we often find new reasons to appreciate each other and keep the spark alive. But I personally don't think unconditional love would be possible to achieve outside of a mother-child relationship. We fool ourselves into believing that we're loving someone unconditionally, but we actually don't. It's just a different type of love, unconsciously conditioned by expectations, even slightly. This has been my own experience. I'd love to be proved wrong, though. :)
As someone who also had a mother who chose to give up a life outside the home for full and complete devotion to her children, your story really spoke to me.
Motherhood is selfless sacrifice. Putting the needs of others above your own.
I have a new admiration for people who taper their professional lives to spend more time with their family. Both men and women. Really family is what matters most.
Thank you, Tommy, for these nice words. Yes, it is selfless sacrifice, but I'd also add that it is a natural, spontaneous selfless sacrifice (which may sound a little like an oxymoron). Something you don't even choose to have. That's why, I believe, no other love, no matter how deep and intense, is comparable to motherly love.
"And, paradoxically, the minute I could articulate clearly why I (supposedly) loved someone, the love would end right there. As if bringing the whole experience into the rationality realm would taint it, somehow. Weird."
Ah this struck me. As the philosophers are lovers of knowledge so the mystics are the ones who know love. And they know from experience what we all know in our hearts which is that true love is mystery.
I would have to agree with you that perhaps sometimes the Beatles made nonsense sound beautiful. There are no weights and measures, trade houses and trading floors for love. True love is an economy running on infinity. Eternal supply and unending demand, yet it is the finesse of distribution with which we contend.
I hope one day you will bound all these into a book. They are wonderful contemplations. What a delight they are.
Thank you so much, Steven! This is another one of your truly beautiful reflections below my pieces. If I ever bind my pieces in a book one day, then I'll have to carve out an appendix with all your beautiful comments to them! "There are no weights and measures, trade houses and trading floors for love. True love is an economy running on infinity. Eternal supply and unending demand, yet it is the finesse of distribution with which we contend." -- this is so interesting; I haven't seen true, unconditional love that wasn't that of a mother for their children. I've seen people try, and I have tried myself, but I don't think unconditional love can be reached "artificially", by simply working on it, at will. It has to come natural: it's either there, or it isn't. And then of course each of us speaks to their respective personal experiences. Thank you again, my friend, for always being here. :)
I always knew that when you wrote about love it would be wonderful, and indeed it is!
Many gems throughout. One of them comes from the ineffability of things like love. Some things are more intuitive, and by attempting to put them into words, you lose the magic. You articulate is so well, and matches what I've felt in the last years. And gives me even more confidence to not be ashamed of explicitly replying that I don't know and don't want to and don't need to explain why.
Also not expecting anything in return, which is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and exercising it.
Great stories and examples, thank you for sharing it with us!
Thank you so much, Oscar! So glad it made you think and somehow gave you confidence in saying that you just don't know. Love is hard, probably impossible, to articulate when you're in the middle of it. It's been like that for me. If I can observe it from the outside -- meaning, I'm no longer in love -- I can make some sense of it. Strage stuff lol.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ beautiful! Bravo! I was so excited when the title popped up in my notifications! Silvio, writing about love! I have trouble with unconditional love; trouble giving and accepting it. This piece reminded me of its power. Thank you
Thank you so much, Yehudis! Yes, a piece on love was long overdue lol. I think the fact that you (all of us non-mothers, really) have trouble with unconditional love is only natural. I personally don't think unconditional love can be achieved at will, sadly.
HI Silvio, A deeply thought-provoking piece. Bravo!
I spend my days and nights searching for additional and new ways to manifest unconditional love. My experience, as you describe, is that unconditional love is indeed not attached to an expectation or outcome - expectations and desired outcomes are the ego at work - conditions as you say.
"When you embrace unconditional love, something amazing happens, Gawdat continues: suddenly, you’re in control." My experience of this is a bit different. When I manifest unconditional love, it is indeed amazing. But the amazing feeling isn't control (which is also ego-based - at least it is for me) but joy - that comes from a place of surrender - which results in connection - a oneness with what I am loving, unconditionally. This is when I feel closest to God - or some universal divinity.
Maybe that's what the Beatles were getting at - if it was the "love you receive" is equal to the "love you make." The feeling you "receive" from loving unconditionally is pretty awesome, pretty cup-filling. And if you receive it from giving it - that's pretty cool.
Or maybe that's what they weren't getting at, and, after all, "take" rhymes with "make" and makes for better lyrics.
Thank you, James, for this interesting reflection. I guess when Gawdat says "you're in control" he doesn't associate it with ego. He says that your emotions and feelings do not depend on anything else, your love is independent, free in the purest sense of the world. That's, I think, his notion of being in control. At least that's how I interpreted it (but having listened to the whole interview I'm pretty sure that's what he meant). That for unconditional love might indeed be a never ending quest, but what I think is that -- sadly -- we cannot train ourselves on unconditional love. It's something primordial: either it's there naturally, or it isn't. That's the way we're wired, I think. I guess we may convince ourselves that we love unconditionally, and maybe that's all we need. But I believe that, except for motherly love, unconditional love doesn't exist and cannot "be acquired". And this goes somewhat against what Gawdat says there ("When you embrace unconditional love"). Frankly (and sadly), I don't think unconditional love is something that we can just embrace. I don't know, that's what comes out of my personal experience and by observing that of others. Thanks for reading and thinking about this. :)
Oh wow. All true. Unconditional love (in the true sense of the word, in its all-encompassing meaning) is only motherly love. And it can't be an opinion, it's just like that. But perhaps stupidly or perhaps because I'm not particularly knowledgeable, I ask myself: but why? Or why?
And then: why isn't it the same for children towards their parents ? Don't get us wrong, I love my mother immensely, she truly is the most important person to me. But I see it, I feel it, a mother's love is "visceral". So it naturally arises to me that if basically we are potentially capable of feeling such love, why don't we also feel it for "the other" in the broadest sense and in every moment ? Maybe a little out of presumption: I don't think it's a lack of experience. Even those who declare eternal and infinite love, I don't believe it. Utopic . There will always be something conditional. In the end, we love others because they make us feel good, because they trigger something in us (endorphins or who knows what else), because they often let us know aspects of ourselves that we hadn't considered before. And then doesn't this turn in an egocentric sense into self-love ? And then there comes a point in which something changes, something changes us, or perspectives, expectations change, we no longer want what made us feel good, actually maybe sometimes it happens that we want to go through something that makes us "feel bad". Well, falling in love yes, we could define it as unconditional: “we don't see anything” ! We don't even know the other completely, we don't see or don't want to see defects, etc. But it is clear that falling in love does not last forever.
This does not mean that we will all experience a delirious happiness, but not unconditional in the true sense of the term, of total acceptance of others.
And nothing wrong with conditional love which is reciprocity, perhaps the trick is to find a reciprocal balance every time, together. It can be difficult because it involves changing, keeping up with each other and finding a trigger every time, but it is possible. Rare.
Despite everything, even a little sarcastically I can also admit that love generates love (my mother has always tried to inculcate this in me. Maybe she succeeded). An approximation is better than nothing.
Thank you so much, Mari. This is a beautiful reflection, and I'm getting used to receiving those from you! Your contemplation on the nature of love is both insightful and thought-provoking. Indeed, that motherly love is the only true, real form of unconditional love is unquestionable. But your questioning of why this doesn't extend universally to all relationships is interesting. Love is complex and multifaceted. It is influenced by our needs, desires, and what have you. While it's true that we may start relationships with idealized, unconditional feelings, these can evolve as we better understand ourselves and our partners. As you noted, this doesn't diminish the value of conditional love, which can involve reciprocity and growth together. In the end, love's intricate dance between the unconditional and the conditional is a reflection of our human nature, and the pursuit of that reciprocal balance, as you mentioned, remains a worthy endeavor, reminding us that even imperfect love can still generate more love and connection in the world. Grazie!
This is a love letter.
Silvio! I'm finally catching up on your essays. I love your reflection and before even reading this I also believed that the only truly unconditional love is Motherly love. Perhaps we've been graced by life with Mothers who dedicated themselves to us and felt fulfilled by it. But to me my Mom is the example of unconditional love. It's my superpower. Great reflection. It resonated a lot with me.
Thank you so much, Camilo. So glad you can relate. I believe trying to find unconditional love out of motherly love is an illusion. :)
Great, great piece, Silvio. The securest love is a mother’s love. How lovely. I’m blessed to receive this love, and I hope one day that I can give it too.
I wonder if unconditional love in a romantic relationship has a smothering affect? The thing that keeps the spark alive is the separation between a couple. And that separation is individuality. When that sense of individuality fades, there’s no distance to close. You’re always close. And maybe that’s when the relationship begins to feel like “give-and-take.”
Thank you so much, Rachael. Yours is an interesting reflection. I agree, a healthy balance between unconditional love and personal individuality is key. It's in those moments of individual growth that we often find new reasons to appreciate each other and keep the spark alive. But I personally don't think unconditional love would be possible to achieve outside of a mother-child relationship. We fool ourselves into believing that we're loving someone unconditionally, but we actually don't. It's just a different type of love, unconsciously conditioned by expectations, even slightly. This has been my own experience. I'd love to be proved wrong, though. :)
This was so well-written, I really feel like it was truly honest and I appreciated that. Interesting musings on love.
Thank you so much, Jess. :)
I loved this, Silvio.
As someone who also had a mother who chose to give up a life outside the home for full and complete devotion to her children, your story really spoke to me.
Motherhood is selfless sacrifice. Putting the needs of others above your own.
I have a new admiration for people who taper their professional lives to spend more time with their family. Both men and women. Really family is what matters most.
Thank you, Tommy, for these nice words. Yes, it is selfless sacrifice, but I'd also add that it is a natural, spontaneous selfless sacrifice (which may sound a little like an oxymoron). Something you don't even choose to have. That's why, I believe, no other love, no matter how deep and intense, is comparable to motherly love.
"And, paradoxically, the minute I could articulate clearly why I (supposedly) loved someone, the love would end right there. As if bringing the whole experience into the rationality realm would taint it, somehow. Weird."
Ah this struck me. As the philosophers are lovers of knowledge so the mystics are the ones who know love. And they know from experience what we all know in our hearts which is that true love is mystery.
I would have to agree with you that perhaps sometimes the Beatles made nonsense sound beautiful. There are no weights and measures, trade houses and trading floors for love. True love is an economy running on infinity. Eternal supply and unending demand, yet it is the finesse of distribution with which we contend.
I hope one day you will bound all these into a book. They are wonderful contemplations. What a delight they are.
Thank you so much, Steven! This is another one of your truly beautiful reflections below my pieces. If I ever bind my pieces in a book one day, then I'll have to carve out an appendix with all your beautiful comments to them! "There are no weights and measures, trade houses and trading floors for love. True love is an economy running on infinity. Eternal supply and unending demand, yet it is the finesse of distribution with which we contend." -- this is so interesting; I haven't seen true, unconditional love that wasn't that of a mother for their children. I've seen people try, and I have tried myself, but I don't think unconditional love can be reached "artificially", by simply working on it, at will. It has to come natural: it's either there, or it isn't. And then of course each of us speaks to their respective personal experiences. Thank you again, my friend, for always being here. :)
I always knew that when you wrote about love it would be wonderful, and indeed it is!
Many gems throughout. One of them comes from the ineffability of things like love. Some things are more intuitive, and by attempting to put them into words, you lose the magic. You articulate is so well, and matches what I've felt in the last years. And gives me even more confidence to not be ashamed of explicitly replying that I don't know and don't want to and don't need to explain why.
Also not expecting anything in return, which is something I've been thinking about a lot lately, and exercising it.
Great stories and examples, thank you for sharing it with us!
Thank you so much, Oscar! So glad it made you think and somehow gave you confidence in saying that you just don't know. Love is hard, probably impossible, to articulate when you're in the middle of it. It's been like that for me. If I can observe it from the outside -- meaning, I'm no longer in love -- I can make some sense of it. Strage stuff lol.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ beautiful! Bravo! I was so excited when the title popped up in my notifications! Silvio, writing about love! I have trouble with unconditional love; trouble giving and accepting it. This piece reminded me of its power. Thank you
Thank you so much, Yehudis! Yes, a piece on love was long overdue lol. I think the fact that you (all of us non-mothers, really) have trouble with unconditional love is only natural. I personally don't think unconditional love can be achieved at will, sadly.
HI Silvio, A deeply thought-provoking piece. Bravo!
I spend my days and nights searching for additional and new ways to manifest unconditional love. My experience, as you describe, is that unconditional love is indeed not attached to an expectation or outcome - expectations and desired outcomes are the ego at work - conditions as you say.
"When you embrace unconditional love, something amazing happens, Gawdat continues: suddenly, you’re in control." My experience of this is a bit different. When I manifest unconditional love, it is indeed amazing. But the amazing feeling isn't control (which is also ego-based - at least it is for me) but joy - that comes from a place of surrender - which results in connection - a oneness with what I am loving, unconditionally. This is when I feel closest to God - or some universal divinity.
Maybe that's what the Beatles were getting at - if it was the "love you receive" is equal to the "love you make." The feeling you "receive" from loving unconditionally is pretty awesome, pretty cup-filling. And if you receive it from giving it - that's pretty cool.
Or maybe that's what they weren't getting at, and, after all, "take" rhymes with "make" and makes for better lyrics.
Thank you again for the stimulating essay.
Thank you, James, for this interesting reflection. I guess when Gawdat says "you're in control" he doesn't associate it with ego. He says that your emotions and feelings do not depend on anything else, your love is independent, free in the purest sense of the world. That's, I think, his notion of being in control. At least that's how I interpreted it (but having listened to the whole interview I'm pretty sure that's what he meant). That for unconditional love might indeed be a never ending quest, but what I think is that -- sadly -- we cannot train ourselves on unconditional love. It's something primordial: either it's there naturally, or it isn't. That's the way we're wired, I think. I guess we may convince ourselves that we love unconditionally, and maybe that's all we need. But I believe that, except for motherly love, unconditional love doesn't exist and cannot "be acquired". And this goes somewhat against what Gawdat says there ("When you embrace unconditional love"). Frankly (and sadly), I don't think unconditional love is something that we can just embrace. I don't know, that's what comes out of my personal experience and by observing that of others. Thanks for reading and thinking about this. :)