May 25, 2023·edited May 25, 2023Liked by Silvio Castelletti
As a recovering investment banker myself (the name of my on-again, off-again podcast, in fact) you did a great job Silvio describing the environment in which my career unfolded as well. In fact, you prompted so many thoughts I planned to write a very different, much longer comment. But you caught me off guard with the truly poetic and profound last several paragraphs. We're on different journeys, but I have total respect and admiration for what you're doing and where you're going. And don't forget, even though it is indeed dark outside, God--the most alive being imaginable and the source of abundant life and overwhelming light--can be found in darkness, stillness, and smallness.
Thank you so much, Chris! Talking about my experience in investment banking was of course a pretext to reason on personal identity, which I think is often neglected. Or rather, something taken for granted. It is really up to us, at the end of the day. I have certain political ideas, but I don’t identify with them. I think they’re important in shaping my thinking, but I won’t enter a war of religion for them at the risk of coming out defeated and depressed and miserable (or do the same to others). Thank you for always being so thought-provoking with your comments. :)
The Post-it note title image and the Post-it callback at the end totally cracked me up hahaha. And wow, Wall Street just never changes between then and now. But this line really caught my curiosity: "a superficial, reckless, childish schmuck" --- WHAT? Silvio being superficial, reckless, childish, and a schmuck on top of it? Now I want to know all the back stories ;) But that's not you, it's the environs around you, the Wall Street culture that turned you into that temporary shape to cope with things. It doesn't say anything who you *really* are.
LOL Helen! I not a schmuck. Or at least I believe I'm not. Deciding overnight to just do the opposite makes you doubt just for a second whether you're simply being a schmuck. But thankfully it ended up well. Glad you picked up the the non-serious part of the semi-serious view! :)
It's funny Silvio, I see so much of the world around me in this essay. I never worked on Wall Street (I walked out of my interview halfway through and caught an early train back home), but I saw a lot of the identity as your job in the military and in tech startups.
I actually think it's good for most of us to get fired or "not get paid" at least once early in our careers. I got fired from my first job in tech, and it was one of those moments that helped clarify what's important in life. I do believe our work can be and probably should be on one of those Post-It notes. But our work and our job, well those very rarely should be the same things, regardless of what corporate culture wants you to believe.
Thank you, Latham, for this beautiful reflection. Which I 100% agree on. I remember you writing about something related to that first tech job of yours (or maybe a startup where you were forced to step away from), and I remember how your being so authentic and vulnerable really did something to me. I understood right there that we are on the same emotional wavelength about many things. As you said, having a bad work experience early on in your journey is good. I'd add: if you're able to decode the underlying message that the universe is sending you. Damn man, I love these conversations!
Wow, I had no idea that things are this crazy for investment bankers. This was such a visual essay. I could see everything you wrote in front of my eyes. Definitely more back stories please! Feels like there's a lot we don't know about you, Silvio.
Haha Sairam, that's what happens when you're starting to have a certain age: things and stories about you start to multiply! Thank for reading, my friend. Glad you liked it. :)
It's almost as if you have to divest and balance the amount of psychological capital any particular identity has in the portfolio of your being in order to stay equanimously delta neutral for optimal long term alpha/happiness/growth! 😆
Tai! Thank you so much for expressing such an awesome idea. This is a brilliant way of seeing it. And I'm not at all surprised that's coming from you. :) (also, lol)
Ohhhh I thought I knew where it was going but did not see the ending coming! Small reliable things. I’ll have to write about this to find out what I let in. Also did a YouTube video about this job is identify thing haha - going through the edits now. I’d love to hear what you think about the theory when it’s out
Yes, it's a surprising journey of self discovery going through the little things that define yourself. These are the only ones that'll stay there for a long time. The big ones, like your job, come and go. Glad to see it made you think, Alexa. :)
Vicky! Thank you so much. Yes, I'd love to watch it. I'll check your YT channel to see whether you've already uploaded it. You know I'm a big fan of your videos. And I'd love to see what you decide to write about this theme, if and when you do. :)
I related to this piece so strongly from beginning to end. It is ironic that we can become better workers when we detach it from our identity. Which can be tough when things are going well. Reading this, I'm not surprised to see you went through this transformation because you are such a grounded person Silvio with such an interesting and diverse set of interest. I think people think having or not having a job is the key to life, but I think you do a great job here highlighting the real thing. Finding our identity, not attaching it to something external and knowing the little "post it notes" (love that idea) that make us who we are.
This part stuck out, "My state of mind became one of just doing my best, of clarity of thought, of fearless realization that if anything went wrong, life would continue, that there’s a remedy for everything, except death." One time, an old manager told me that our job was stressful and I couldn't help myself and said, "no it's not, nobody dies." Which is how I have always felt, even when things get stressful.
Michelle! Thank you for your nice words, dear. So happy it resonated. I know this is a theme close to what you often write about. And yes, if there's one thing I can safely put in my "bag of tricks" and keep it there forever is that the less we preoccupy and stress over something, the more that something goes in the direction we desire. Like a giant game of Tetris on autopilot. As if the universe knows better. Who knows? But, based on my experience, that's what happens. Of course, this doesn't mean not caring or being reckless. Just being detached and not letting it pervade your persona so much.
This resonated with me now that I'm "unemployed," and while I am comfortable with that identity, I have perceived the tension of the outside world that is trying to find a box to put me in. Every workaholic should read this and will find wisdom in your words as always. Bravo Silvio!
Thank you, Camilo! These are things that are so hard to eradicate in our society. So they'll always going to be there, unfortunately. We can only choose how to react to them ourselves. :)
Silvio, you always answer questions I have in the back of my mind, in the most profound and optimistic ways. Your articles have become like a life-guide from someone with more experience and awareness of how the world works. I'm glad one of your muses? obsessions? recurring themes? is identity, since I think about it a lot too.
This piece made me think how I used to not feel comfortable saying I ran a marketing agency, Coming from big, bold startups, how did you end up with something so banal? I would ask myself. It was only after some time when I suddenly had the realization that it was only to pay the bills and nothing more, and was able to divorce that feeling, that I started feeling good about myself.
You articulate this feeling perfectly, and what is even more important, you give way outs, framings and ideas to solve the problem, always with an optimistic, hopeful viewpoint. Really enjoyed this and will come back to it!
Oscar! This is so flattering. Thank you so much. As you know, I don't like to give advice, as I'm a strong believer in "making your own mistakes". But if a friend like you, who knows how to read between the lines, finds some guidance in my words, I'm happy. We live in a world where money has transformed everything we think and do. The way we make money has become who we are. And that's sad. Yes, without money we con't really live, but it's a necessary condition, not a sufficient one. Thank you again for coming to comment. So glad you liked this piece and made you think (which is really my ultimate objective here). :)
May 27, 2023·edited May 27, 2023Liked by Silvio Castelletti
The mood of this whole piece carries a pervading joyfulness that I've found in various texts on spiritual practice, especially those related to the practice of renunciation. At heart, a renunciate isn't the person who refuses to live in the world, but the one who refuses to allow the world to live in them. I'm very curious Silvio what exposure you've had to religious teachings and spirituality. Questioning one's identity seems to be at the origins of every spiritual tradition. You seem to have either accidentally stumbled onto the practice of inquiry (Who am I?) as was practiced by the Indian mystic Ramana Maharshi or perhaps you've had some formal introduction to meditation, Zen Buddhism, Sufism, or mystical Christianity? Or maybe you're just a reincarnated Tulku and haven't yet been tracked down by a search party of Tibetan lineage holders. In any case, this piece is very telling about the source of your strength as a writer, as the capacity to step away from identification, with anything, is the beginning of having clarity about what anything actually is, including oneself. It seems that life is like a trip to an art museum. If you stand half an inch away from a masterpiece it's very hard to appreciate it or receive its intended communication, and identification is just like that, a circumstance of standing too close to our own life and missing its meaning and beauty. You summed it up so simply. "It’s amazing how much better you can do your job when you think that, if you lose it, you still have yourself. And everything else." You are a champion of the human spirit and always sharing food for it.
Rick! So much stuff in there. Thank you, first of all, for your comment. There's a lot to unpack. For starters, I'm not really into spirituality or a religious person (I don't even know whether the two are synonymous). So, all your references are pretty much unknown to me. This answers your question, I guess. One thing I've done is that I've been into Transcendental Meditation for years, but I haven't meditated for a while. Like most of the things in my life, it lost traction and got put aside. I enjoyed it, though, while it lasted. But I'm curious to know more about this renunciation thing. It sounds interesting.
The way I see my own identity is like a kind of a fluid matter, where there's a core that's unchangeable and immutable (and it's made of all the little things scribbled in the post-its), and a peripheral space that's shaped by thoughts and ideas and convictions that I decide to embrace. And these things change; I'm not married to them. So a part of my identity changes over time depending on how sticky these ideas and thoughts become. The thing is, thought, that if they don't get sticky and lose steam somehow, it's not a tragedy or something I have to get into a war of religion for. They just get replaced by other ideas or thoughts. So, if they ask me who I am, I'm not sure I can give a quick and easy answer. Personal identity is not something that's easy to discuss over drinks at a dinner party. "I'm a dentist" is, but that's a shortcut that defines what you do for a living, not who you are.
Thank you for your nice words about my piece and what it evokes. I loved this: "It seems that life is like a trip to an art museum. If you stand half an inch away from a masterpiece it's very hard to appreciate it or receive its intended communication, and identification is just like that, a circumstance of standing too close to our own life and missing its meaning and beauty." You nailed it so perfectly -- the more detached you allow yourself to be, the better and deeper your understanding of yourself is going to be, I think. But then again, these are my ideas. The ones that worked for me.
Thanks for your generous sharing in your article and also your reply. This seems true. "Personal identity is not something that's easy to discuss over drinks at a dinner party." And perhaps also not easy to discuss in a comment section. I'm going to invite you to a 1-1 chat soon. We're overdue.
We do not define ourselves but we 'get defined'. I do not think it is accidental that this question (does the work I do define me or is it just a part of me? Or: the work I do may not even say anything about who I really am) is natural at a certain age. As young people we accept that this is the way the world is, as adults we realise that this world (or society) is one of the possible ones we happen to live in, but to let it define us is a bit much. So maybe we challenge it or we do not recognise ourselves in its value system and explore a more internal and original one. Perhaps only then we see and understand who we really are.
I think it’s a matter of laziness. A mix of intellectual and emotional laziness. There are so many things that define us, yet we settle for the easy, prepackaged, standard one: what we do to make money. How many people are dentists in this world? How can it be possible that they are all the same? Looking for the little things that are so personal to us is like ptotecting our identities. We know these things well, but we refuse to give them importance, I think. Thank you for your always stimulating thoughts, my dear friend :)
Your writing is the advice I didn't know I needed. Ha, and now I'm thinking about your piece about not giving advice.
"Small, reliable things. Things that will always be there. Into a small, safe identity. A small box where all these small things will be untouchable and unreachable and securely kept." It comforting to think of our identity as small.
Rachael! Thank you so much, dear. Knowing that my writing makes you think means a lot to me. The advice not given. You always catch the key point of what I mean. So happy to have you in our writing group, and as a friend! :)
May 26, 2023·edited May 26, 2023Liked by Silvio Castelletti
Silvio, I could swear this was about me in my twenties. You captured the feeling of trying harder and failing harder so well. I'm in awe of you for having that moment of awakening before you switched to your next job.
Also amazed that so many of us journey through this same phenomenon of the job becoming our whole selves. My partner and I were just discussing it this morning. It's so easy to let the job be your whole self in the years of striving to arrive professionally (when it's arguably necessary and useful), and then forget that you had a whole self outside your job after (when you neither need the job so much nor find it of value). That's so tragic, so disembodied, and so self dehumanizing.
How did it occur to you to just try Opposite Land? What a fantastic way to go about it. (Also love that Seinfeld gets away with claiming to be a show about nothing while it is actually a show about everything!)
I always thought "man! if Silvio can be an investment banker and be so creative, into music, write so well, and have such a beautiful mind, I can too." Reading you reflect on this journey in your early years as a banker has made me feel the courage even more. Thanks for writing this essay.
Malavika! I love every single word that you wrote here. Your comment is so packed of interesting thoughts and reflexions and, yes, compliments (which I always tend to shun; but your words are so kind and nice and coming from someone I admire so much like you it's all so flattering). I think that we live in a culture that attributes to "making everything much easier than easy" a great value. I say this because I think that letting our jobs define who we are is an act of laziness. Many just switch their brains off and let society take care of who they are. What a waste. I know you agree on this view, knowing you. I'm so happy my piece resonated and that you too got to a point of realization that this whole job/identity thing was wrong and changed things.
As for Seinfeld, I've always thought that the show about nothing is actually the show about everything -- everything that viewers are able and willing to catch, that is. And The Opposite episode always played a big role in my development. I've always thought that, beyond its hilariousness, there's a great, undeniable, hidden truth.
Thank you again for coming to comment in such a thoughtful way. I really like the way you think and it's an honor for me to see my writing resonate with you. :)
I can relate to that shift of perspective you talk about. I had a similar experience where I was working so much it made it me sick. After the doctor told me to take two weeks off I found my viewpoint changed. When I returned I had somehow made a separation between the work and me. The problems in the company no longer seemed to be "my" problems, but rather I realised I didn't have control over them, and more importantly I wasn't the one responsible for solving them. When I had this shift from "I am my job" to "I am me, and this is where I work" it helped me feel a lot better about myself and paradoxically, about my job.
Yes! Isn't it magical? A miracle. Thank you for sharing your own (very relatable) experience, Alastair. It's almost a paradox that distancing yourself from your job makes you do it better. I think there's something mysterious in doing things with some detachment. Which, btw, doesn't mean you don't care for them.
May 25, 2023·edited May 25, 2023Liked by Silvio Castelletti
In a world of techno-materialism where the self-claimed gods of technology and finance dare to replace the old God, and where humans are becoming more like robots, your essay is a good reminder to not overlook the stuff that make humans human. Without the micro stuff, the post-it stuff, the details, we are nothing but generic, soulless, boxes of machines, acting as commanded by the ones who press the buttons.
It's dark outside, but when out of the box, even a speckle of light shines in the darkness. And I shall remind myself to not lose sight of the speckle.
"It's dark outside, but when out of the box, even a speckle of light shines in the darkness. And I shall remind myself to not lose sight of the speckle." -- Jisoo, thank you for these beautiful words. I'm glad you caught the essence of what I was trying to convey: "Without the micro stuff, the post-it stuff, the details, we are nothing but generic, soulless, boxes of machines, acting as commanded by the ones who press the buttons." :)
Hey Silvio! You bring out some interesting threads in this essay. For one, I like the observation of how we, as a society, have tied our identity to our work. Man, why is that the first question we ask strangers? Gosh, I'm going to change that.
I also was intrigued by the mindset shift you describe...got me thinking, that's for sure.
Lastly, it is funny that you write about how serious your old boss was, cause this is the "Semi-Serious View" XD
Thank you, Ishan! It is indeed one of those things in a culture that we take for granted, until we get down and think about them. Yes, why does it have to be like that? It takes courage to be contrarian, or at least to switch the brain on lol.
As a recovering investment banker myself (the name of my on-again, off-again podcast, in fact) you did a great job Silvio describing the environment in which my career unfolded as well. In fact, you prompted so many thoughts I planned to write a very different, much longer comment. But you caught me off guard with the truly poetic and profound last several paragraphs. We're on different journeys, but I have total respect and admiration for what you're doing and where you're going. And don't forget, even though it is indeed dark outside, God--the most alive being imaginable and the source of abundant life and overwhelming light--can be found in darkness, stillness, and smallness.
Thank you so much, Chris! Talking about my experience in investment banking was of course a pretext to reason on personal identity, which I think is often neglected. Or rather, something taken for granted. It is really up to us, at the end of the day. I have certain political ideas, but I don’t identify with them. I think they’re important in shaping my thinking, but I won’t enter a war of religion for them at the risk of coming out defeated and depressed and miserable (or do the same to others). Thank you for always being so thought-provoking with your comments. :)
The Post-it note title image and the Post-it callback at the end totally cracked me up hahaha. And wow, Wall Street just never changes between then and now. But this line really caught my curiosity: "a superficial, reckless, childish schmuck" --- WHAT? Silvio being superficial, reckless, childish, and a schmuck on top of it? Now I want to know all the back stories ;) But that's not you, it's the environs around you, the Wall Street culture that turned you into that temporary shape to cope with things. It doesn't say anything who you *really* are.
LOL Helen! I not a schmuck. Or at least I believe I'm not. Deciding overnight to just do the opposite makes you doubt just for a second whether you're simply being a schmuck. But thankfully it ended up well. Glad you picked up the the non-serious part of the semi-serious view! :)
It's funny Silvio, I see so much of the world around me in this essay. I never worked on Wall Street (I walked out of my interview halfway through and caught an early train back home), but I saw a lot of the identity as your job in the military and in tech startups.
I actually think it's good for most of us to get fired or "not get paid" at least once early in our careers. I got fired from my first job in tech, and it was one of those moments that helped clarify what's important in life. I do believe our work can be and probably should be on one of those Post-It notes. But our work and our job, well those very rarely should be the same things, regardless of what corporate culture wants you to believe.
Thank you, Latham, for this beautiful reflection. Which I 100% agree on. I remember you writing about something related to that first tech job of yours (or maybe a startup where you were forced to step away from), and I remember how your being so authentic and vulnerable really did something to me. I understood right there that we are on the same emotional wavelength about many things. As you said, having a bad work experience early on in your journey is good. I'd add: if you're able to decode the underlying message that the universe is sending you. Damn man, I love these conversations!
Wow, I had no idea that things are this crazy for investment bankers. This was such a visual essay. I could see everything you wrote in front of my eyes. Definitely more back stories please! Feels like there's a lot we don't know about you, Silvio.
Haha Sairam, that's what happens when you're starting to have a certain age: things and stories about you start to multiply! Thank for reading, my friend. Glad you liked it. :)
It's almost as if you have to divest and balance the amount of psychological capital any particular identity has in the portfolio of your being in order to stay equanimously delta neutral for optimal long term alpha/happiness/growth! 😆
Tai! Thank you so much for expressing such an awesome idea. This is a brilliant way of seeing it. And I'm not at all surprised that's coming from you. :) (also, lol)
Ohhhh I thought I knew where it was going but did not see the ending coming! Small reliable things. I’ll have to write about this to find out what I let in. Also did a YouTube video about this job is identify thing haha - going through the edits now. I’d love to hear what you think about the theory when it’s out
Definitely think I’m going to do some writing around this too. I think I’m going to be surprised by what my small reliable things are.
Yes, it's a surprising journey of self discovery going through the little things that define yourself. These are the only ones that'll stay there for a long time. The big ones, like your job, come and go. Glad to see it made you think, Alexa. :)
Vicky! Thank you so much. Yes, I'd love to watch it. I'll check your YT channel to see whether you've already uploaded it. You know I'm a big fan of your videos. And I'd love to see what you decide to write about this theme, if and when you do. :)
I related to this piece so strongly from beginning to end. It is ironic that we can become better workers when we detach it from our identity. Which can be tough when things are going well. Reading this, I'm not surprised to see you went through this transformation because you are such a grounded person Silvio with such an interesting and diverse set of interest. I think people think having or not having a job is the key to life, but I think you do a great job here highlighting the real thing. Finding our identity, not attaching it to something external and knowing the little "post it notes" (love that idea) that make us who we are.
This part stuck out, "My state of mind became one of just doing my best, of clarity of thought, of fearless realization that if anything went wrong, life would continue, that there’s a remedy for everything, except death." One time, an old manager told me that our job was stressful and I couldn't help myself and said, "no it's not, nobody dies." Which is how I have always felt, even when things get stressful.
Great piece Silvio!
Michelle! Thank you for your nice words, dear. So happy it resonated. I know this is a theme close to what you often write about. And yes, if there's one thing I can safely put in my "bag of tricks" and keep it there forever is that the less we preoccupy and stress over something, the more that something goes in the direction we desire. Like a giant game of Tetris on autopilot. As if the universe knows better. Who knows? But, based on my experience, that's what happens. Of course, this doesn't mean not caring or being reckless. Just being detached and not letting it pervade your persona so much.
Thanks again for being here! :)
This resonated with me now that I'm "unemployed," and while I am comfortable with that identity, I have perceived the tension of the outside world that is trying to find a box to put me in. Every workaholic should read this and will find wisdom in your words as always. Bravo Silvio!
Thank you, Camilo! These are things that are so hard to eradicate in our society. So they'll always going to be there, unfortunately. We can only choose how to react to them ourselves. :)
Silvio, you always answer questions I have in the back of my mind, in the most profound and optimistic ways. Your articles have become like a life-guide from someone with more experience and awareness of how the world works. I'm glad one of your muses? obsessions? recurring themes? is identity, since I think about it a lot too.
This piece made me think how I used to not feel comfortable saying I ran a marketing agency, Coming from big, bold startups, how did you end up with something so banal? I would ask myself. It was only after some time when I suddenly had the realization that it was only to pay the bills and nothing more, and was able to divorce that feeling, that I started feeling good about myself.
You articulate this feeling perfectly, and what is even more important, you give way outs, framings and ideas to solve the problem, always with an optimistic, hopeful viewpoint. Really enjoyed this and will come back to it!
Oscar! This is so flattering. Thank you so much. As you know, I don't like to give advice, as I'm a strong believer in "making your own mistakes". But if a friend like you, who knows how to read between the lines, finds some guidance in my words, I'm happy. We live in a world where money has transformed everything we think and do. The way we make money has become who we are. And that's sad. Yes, without money we con't really live, but it's a necessary condition, not a sufficient one. Thank you again for coming to comment. So glad you liked this piece and made you think (which is really my ultimate objective here). :)
Sorry, wrote the last one wrong haha but I meant to say that you're someone that definitely teaches by example!
The mood of this whole piece carries a pervading joyfulness that I've found in various texts on spiritual practice, especially those related to the practice of renunciation. At heart, a renunciate isn't the person who refuses to live in the world, but the one who refuses to allow the world to live in them. I'm very curious Silvio what exposure you've had to religious teachings and spirituality. Questioning one's identity seems to be at the origins of every spiritual tradition. You seem to have either accidentally stumbled onto the practice of inquiry (Who am I?) as was practiced by the Indian mystic Ramana Maharshi or perhaps you've had some formal introduction to meditation, Zen Buddhism, Sufism, or mystical Christianity? Or maybe you're just a reincarnated Tulku and haven't yet been tracked down by a search party of Tibetan lineage holders. In any case, this piece is very telling about the source of your strength as a writer, as the capacity to step away from identification, with anything, is the beginning of having clarity about what anything actually is, including oneself. It seems that life is like a trip to an art museum. If you stand half an inch away from a masterpiece it's very hard to appreciate it or receive its intended communication, and identification is just like that, a circumstance of standing too close to our own life and missing its meaning and beauty. You summed it up so simply. "It’s amazing how much better you can do your job when you think that, if you lose it, you still have yourself. And everything else." You are a champion of the human spirit and always sharing food for it.
Rick! So much stuff in there. Thank you, first of all, for your comment. There's a lot to unpack. For starters, I'm not really into spirituality or a religious person (I don't even know whether the two are synonymous). So, all your references are pretty much unknown to me. This answers your question, I guess. One thing I've done is that I've been into Transcendental Meditation for years, but I haven't meditated for a while. Like most of the things in my life, it lost traction and got put aside. I enjoyed it, though, while it lasted. But I'm curious to know more about this renunciation thing. It sounds interesting.
The way I see my own identity is like a kind of a fluid matter, where there's a core that's unchangeable and immutable (and it's made of all the little things scribbled in the post-its), and a peripheral space that's shaped by thoughts and ideas and convictions that I decide to embrace. And these things change; I'm not married to them. So a part of my identity changes over time depending on how sticky these ideas and thoughts become. The thing is, thought, that if they don't get sticky and lose steam somehow, it's not a tragedy or something I have to get into a war of religion for. They just get replaced by other ideas or thoughts. So, if they ask me who I am, I'm not sure I can give a quick and easy answer. Personal identity is not something that's easy to discuss over drinks at a dinner party. "I'm a dentist" is, but that's a shortcut that defines what you do for a living, not who you are.
Thank you for your nice words about my piece and what it evokes. I loved this: "It seems that life is like a trip to an art museum. If you stand half an inch away from a masterpiece it's very hard to appreciate it or receive its intended communication, and identification is just like that, a circumstance of standing too close to our own life and missing its meaning and beauty." You nailed it so perfectly -- the more detached you allow yourself to be, the better and deeper your understanding of yourself is going to be, I think. But then again, these are my ideas. The ones that worked for me.
Thanks for your generous sharing in your article and also your reply. This seems true. "Personal identity is not something that's easy to discuss over drinks at a dinner party." And perhaps also not easy to discuss in a comment section. I'm going to invite you to a 1-1 chat soon. We're overdue.
LOL, we sure are! I look forward to that, Rick. :)
We do not define ourselves but we 'get defined'. I do not think it is accidental that this question (does the work I do define me or is it just a part of me? Or: the work I do may not even say anything about who I really am) is natural at a certain age. As young people we accept that this is the way the world is, as adults we realise that this world (or society) is one of the possible ones we happen to live in, but to let it define us is a bit much. So maybe we challenge it or we do not recognise ourselves in its value system and explore a more internal and original one. Perhaps only then we see and understand who we really are.
I think it’s a matter of laziness. A mix of intellectual and emotional laziness. There are so many things that define us, yet we settle for the easy, prepackaged, standard one: what we do to make money. How many people are dentists in this world? How can it be possible that they are all the same? Looking for the little things that are so personal to us is like ptotecting our identities. We know these things well, but we refuse to give them importance, I think. Thank you for your always stimulating thoughts, my dear friend :)
Your writing is the advice I didn't know I needed. Ha, and now I'm thinking about your piece about not giving advice.
"Small, reliable things. Things that will always be there. Into a small, safe identity. A small box where all these small things will be untouchable and unreachable and securely kept." It comforting to think of our identity as small.
Rachael! Thank you so much, dear. Knowing that my writing makes you think means a lot to me. The advice not given. You always catch the key point of what I mean. So happy to have you in our writing group, and as a friend! :)
Silvio, I could swear this was about me in my twenties. You captured the feeling of trying harder and failing harder so well. I'm in awe of you for having that moment of awakening before you switched to your next job.
Also amazed that so many of us journey through this same phenomenon of the job becoming our whole selves. My partner and I were just discussing it this morning. It's so easy to let the job be your whole self in the years of striving to arrive professionally (when it's arguably necessary and useful), and then forget that you had a whole self outside your job after (when you neither need the job so much nor find it of value). That's so tragic, so disembodied, and so self dehumanizing.
How did it occur to you to just try Opposite Land? What a fantastic way to go about it. (Also love that Seinfeld gets away with claiming to be a show about nothing while it is actually a show about everything!)
I always thought "man! if Silvio can be an investment banker and be so creative, into music, write so well, and have such a beautiful mind, I can too." Reading you reflect on this journey in your early years as a banker has made me feel the courage even more. Thanks for writing this essay.
Malavika! I love every single word that you wrote here. Your comment is so packed of interesting thoughts and reflexions and, yes, compliments (which I always tend to shun; but your words are so kind and nice and coming from someone I admire so much like you it's all so flattering). I think that we live in a culture that attributes to "making everything much easier than easy" a great value. I say this because I think that letting our jobs define who we are is an act of laziness. Many just switch their brains off and let society take care of who they are. What a waste. I know you agree on this view, knowing you. I'm so happy my piece resonated and that you too got to a point of realization that this whole job/identity thing was wrong and changed things.
As for Seinfeld, I've always thought that the show about nothing is actually the show about everything -- everything that viewers are able and willing to catch, that is. And The Opposite episode always played a big role in my development. I've always thought that, beyond its hilariousness, there's a great, undeniable, hidden truth.
Thank you again for coming to comment in such a thoughtful way. I really like the way you think and it's an honor for me to see my writing resonate with you. :)
I can relate to that shift of perspective you talk about. I had a similar experience where I was working so much it made it me sick. After the doctor told me to take two weeks off I found my viewpoint changed. When I returned I had somehow made a separation between the work and me. The problems in the company no longer seemed to be "my" problems, but rather I realised I didn't have control over them, and more importantly I wasn't the one responsible for solving them. When I had this shift from "I am my job" to "I am me, and this is where I work" it helped me feel a lot better about myself and paradoxically, about my job.
Yes! Isn't it magical? A miracle. Thank you for sharing your own (very relatable) experience, Alastair. It's almost a paradox that distancing yourself from your job makes you do it better. I think there's something mysterious in doing things with some detachment. Which, btw, doesn't mean you don't care for them.
In a world of techno-materialism where the self-claimed gods of technology and finance dare to replace the old God, and where humans are becoming more like robots, your essay is a good reminder to not overlook the stuff that make humans human. Without the micro stuff, the post-it stuff, the details, we are nothing but generic, soulless, boxes of machines, acting as commanded by the ones who press the buttons.
It's dark outside, but when out of the box, even a speckle of light shines in the darkness. And I shall remind myself to not lose sight of the speckle.
"It's dark outside, but when out of the box, even a speckle of light shines in the darkness. And I shall remind myself to not lose sight of the speckle." -- Jisoo, thank you for these beautiful words. I'm glad you caught the essence of what I was trying to convey: "Without the micro stuff, the post-it stuff, the details, we are nothing but generic, soulless, boxes of machines, acting as commanded by the ones who press the buttons." :)
Hey Silvio! You bring out some interesting threads in this essay. For one, I like the observation of how we, as a society, have tied our identity to our work. Man, why is that the first question we ask strangers? Gosh, I'm going to change that.
I also was intrigued by the mindset shift you describe...got me thinking, that's for sure.
Lastly, it is funny that you write about how serious your old boss was, cause this is the "Semi-Serious View" XD
Thank you, Ishan! It is indeed one of those things in a culture that we take for granted, until we get down and think about them. Yes, why does it have to be like that? It takes courage to be contrarian, or at least to switch the brain on lol.
From now on, I am going to refrain from asking such questions...